


Try

by tspofnutmeg



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M, Makoto needs to up his boyfriend game, Song Lyrics, Songwriter Haru, sorry for the OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6956059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tspofnutmeg/pseuds/tspofnutmeg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Haru still had a rough time talking naturally about his emotions, but for whatever reason they translated perfectly into song. This was the latest song he wrote for Makoto. It was the song his boyfriend needed to hear and the song Haru had to believe would save their relationship."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first finished fic and obviously my first in the Free! Fandom. Track list and more notes at the end.

 

 

Makoto’s phone had bounced down a flight of stairs thanks to a particularly broad and irritated student who felt like he needed to get in the classroom before Makoto could get out. Knowing that it was a lost cause, he still went to retrieve his thoroughly damaged electronic. He tossed the phone into his bag without a second thought. He still had his tablet and his laptop to check his email which is how his classmates got a hold of him anyway. The only people to really text him were Haru and the rest of the old swim team friends. There wouldn’t be an issue if he missed one or two texts from him. He lived with Haru and everyone knew if they couldn’t reach Makoto directly, his boyfriend was sure to relay the message.

 

Haru had mentioned his performance that night a couple times, but right now a very overworked and stressed Makoto needed to get away from campus with some beer and greasy food. 

 

~

 

Haru considered himself a fairly well rounded artist. He preferred watercolor and charcoal above all other mediums, but was comfortable in oils, acrylics, sculpting, pottery, print making, digital design, and had even learned his way around a sewing machine. Despite his many talents, his graduation depended on him fulfilling an additional track, something that pushed him outside of the visual medium.  The song writing and composition class was not Haru’s choice, but he was thankful he ended up there three years ago.

 

Although he could converse fairly normally with most people when he started college (he practiced a lot during that summer) it didn’t mean he was eager to be the center of attention. When you sing everyone looks at you and Haru was only interested in one person looking at him. Unfortunately over the past year, this person had been looking at Haru less and less. It was their last year in university and they both had beyond full schedules. But a cloud of worry had settled over Haru; he wasn’t sure what it was, but he had the feeling it wasn’t just classes and work that had come between him and Makoto. 

 

They were going to celebrate their three year anniversary this year, or at least Haru really hoped they would. Makoto’s affection and attention had been surely and not so slowly moved away from Haru as his coursework and obligations reached all time highs. He didn’t think Makoto was interested in someone else, but he couldn’t deny the feeling that his boyfriend wasn’t interested in  _ him  _ anymore either. 

 

He wanted to believe that it was only the stress and workloads that created the distance. Makoto just needed some reassurance that things were going to be okay. That was why Haru had been pushy - for him at least - about Makoto coming to the concert tonight. He still had a rough time talking naturally about his emotions, but for whatever reason they translated perfectly into song. This was the latest song he wrote for Makoto. It was the song his boyfriend needed to hear and the song Haru had to believe would save their relationship. He signaled his guitarist, Satsuki, with a tilt of his head, closed his eyes, and opened his heart.

 

**I know that you're hurting now**

**Seems like there's just no way out**

**Feels like it's all gone wrong**

**You keep on slipping 'til you can't hold on**

 

**Don't worry, I'm right by your side**

**My shoulder is yours if you need to cry**

**There are times when life is just too much**

**I know you want to, but don't give up!**

 

**Try, baby, try**

**Give me a moment of your time**

**Oh no, don't close your eyes**

**I know you're hurting now**

**We can work it out**

**If we just try, if we just try.**

 

**It's always been just me and you**

**You know I've been down there too!**

**Always when I needed you**

**You were strong!**

**Let me hold you, baby**

**When hope is gone!**

 

**Try, baby, try**

**Give me a moment of your time**

**Oh no, don't, don't, don’t close your eyes**

**I know you're hurting now**

**We can work it out**

**If we just try, try!**

 

**Holding on, holding on**

**We used to know how to!**

**Oh, oh, oh if the nights are so long**

**I’ll sing your favorite song...**

 

**If we just try, baby, try**

**Give me a moment of your time**

**No, no, no, don't, don't close your eyes**

**I know you're hurting now**

**We can work it out**

**If we just try... we can try…**

 

Haru opened his eyes as the last notes of the guitar faded away. A sense of accomplishment and hopefulness started to bubble through his chest, but it quickly popped when he noticed the empty seat he reserved for his boyfriend. Haru had begged Makoto to come. He told him this was really important to him. He  _ needed _ Makoto to be here. So why wasn’t he? He held back his tears as he rushed off the stage during their standing ovation.

 

~

 

**201X-03-17 18:05**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

I saved you a spot: Row 5 seat 3.

 

**201X-03-17 18:33**

**From: Nagisa**

Mako-chan!! Where you at?? Me and Rei-chan wanted to sit with you! DON’T BE LATE.

 

**201X-03-17 18:56**

**From: Nagisa**

Mako-chan, hurry up!! Haru-chan always goes first! You’ll miss it!! YOU CAN’T MISS IT!

 

**201X-03-17 19:24**

**From: Nagisa**

Mako-chan!!!!!!!!! This is serious, where are you?? Haru-chan looks really upset!! 

 

**201X-03-17 19:27**

**From: RinRin**

TACHIBANA MAKOTO YOU HAD BETTER BE LYING IN A PUDDLE OF YOUR OWN BLOOD WITH TWO BROKEN LEGS BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONLY EXCUSE FOR NOT BEING HERE. STOP. FUCKING. AROUND.

 

**201X-03-17 19:32**

**From: Rei**

Mako-senpai, are you alright? Everyone is worried since you usually respond promptly to texts. Please at least let Haru-senpai that you’re okay.

 

~

 

Haru was curled up in ball on Rin’s bed, his head resting on his friend’s thigh. Fingers gently stroked Haru’s hair as his sobs turned into quiet whimpers and hiccups. Haru had tried to show how much he cared about his boyfriend, but Makoto hadn’t even bothered to show up. That’s how much he still cared about Haru: not even enough to send a text letting him know he couldn’t make it. He was an idiot for thinking one stupid song could get Makoto to love him again.

 

Nothing had ever hurt this much before, not his parents absence, his previous confrontations with Rin, or even his grandmother passing. Those were all minor scratches compared to the gaping wound he had now where his heart used to be. He wanted to disappear. He wished he never met Makoto. Living a lonely life would have been better than losing the only person he knew he would ever love. 

 

~

 

Pounding on the door caused Makoto to wake so suddenly he fell off the couch. The knocking persisted, growing in frequency and volume as time wore on. Makoto made his way to the door, more out of concern that his neighbors would complain then out of wanting to actually see who was disturbing him. Nobody else had to be so rudely awakened on a Saturday morning.

 

He was greeted by a towering black haired form looking even more pissed off than usual.

 

“Sousuke?”

 

Sousuke just stared at him, teal eyes narrowing.

 

Makoto tried again “What’s up? Did something happen with Rin?”

 

A flash of rage flickered in Sousuke’s eyes as he shoved his way into their apartment. He picked up a worn blue gym bag and headed toward the bedroom.

  
Thoroughly confused, Makoto followed him. He watched as his friend filled the bag with a few days worth of Haru’s clothes and several pairs of jammers. Sousuke paused at the bed, debating if Haru was cutesy enough to use the Orca pillow because it reminded him of his boyfriend. He guessed not and grabbed the dolphin one instead and pushed past Makoto into the bathroom.

 

“Not that I don’t love it when friends come over way too early on a weekend and silently rifle through my boyfriend’s belongings, but would you mind telling me what’s going on?”

  
“Haru’s staying with us for a few days.” Packing toiletries in the side pocket Sousuke wondered what the percentage of the items Haru owned were blue; it must be at least seventy percent.

 

“Oh, okay. I work full shifts this weekend and have a huge project due so that’s good timing.”

 

They were in the living room now, Sousuke collecting his textbooks, note pads, and sketch journals. He couldn’t fucking believe what he was hearing. Makoto was acting like nothing was wrong at all, but he had to ignore it. If he didn’t, he’d wind up beating the shit out of him.

 

“Have you seen Haru’s lyric folder?”

 

“Dunno, what’s it look like?”

 

“It’s a green binder with ocean and forest doodles all over it and a bunch of colored tabs sticking out the side.” Haru only carried that thing around like it was glued to his hand. How the hell had Makoto never seen it? He needed to leave. Now.

 

“Thanks for all your help,” Sousuke muttered as he brushed past a confused looking Makoto and pulled open the door.

 

He was immediately met with the unmistakable face of Satsuki, who had Haru’s binder tucked under his arm. They exchanged loaded stares.

  
“Um, can I help you?” Makoto felt uncomfortable with the pierced and tattooed man on his doorstep. He obviously knew Sousuke and it felt like it was more than coincidence that they’d both be here now.

 

Rich brown eyes met Makoto’s. They seemed to bore into him, like he already knew his darkest secrets.

 

“I’m Satsuki, Haru’s partner.”

  
“P-partner?”

 

A slight smirk tugged at his lips, “For the song composition courses. He writes the lyrics, I write the music.”

 

Sousuke’s brow furrowed, “Tachibana, you’ve never met Satsuki? They’ve been working together for over three years.” He was trying to keep the anger out of his voice. He wasn’t doing a good job.

  
Satsuki jumped in here, “Well we do most of work in the classroom or studio and Makoto-kun’s never been to the concerts so there hasn’t been an opport-”

  
“But it’s not like you don’t stand out. Tachibana, you should’ve recognized him from the videos.”

 

_ Why was Sousuke calling him ‘Tachibana?’ _ “Ah, I actually haven’t watched any of them.”

 

Sousuke’s jaw dropped and Satsuki’s face had a smug, but disappointed look of ‘I knew it.’ Recovering, Sousuke grabbed the binder from Satsuki and shoved it into the bag with the other possessions. He took a hard, long look at Makoto who seemed to wither under the stare.

 

“You’re a terrible boyfriend.”

 

With that, Sousuke turned and left. Makoto, too shocked to respond, simply watched him go with Satsuki rushing to catch up to him. The musician turned around and gave Makoto a wave, “Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of Haru!”

 

~

 

Rin was sitting at their dining table with a now cold cup of tea when Sousuke returned to their apartment.

  
“How’s Haru?”

 

“Wrecked. He’s asleep at least.”

 

The tear tracks on Rin’s face looked fairly fresh; Sousuke guessed that he had remained strong and only allowed himself to cry after Haru passed out. The taller man made fresh cups of tea and gave Rin’s hair a quick kiss before joining him at the table.

 

“Was he there?”

  
“Yeah.”

 

“Well?? What the fuck did he have to say for himself?”

 

“He said it was good timing because he’ll be busy all weekend.”

 

Fresh streams cascaded down Rin’s cheeks.

 

“...Fuck.”

 

~

**201X-03-18 10:54**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

There’s green curry in the freezer if you get hungry this weekend.

 

**201X-03-20 08:39**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

Good luck on your presentation today.

 

**201X-03-21 13:11**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

I’m going to stay at Rin and Sousuke’s for a little longer. I hope you can catch up on your work and sleep.

 

**201X-03-21 17:03**

**From: RinRin**

Sousuke is heading over to grab more of Haru’s things. He has his key, so he’ll let himself in if you’re not home. Come get Haru when you’re done being an asshole.

 

**201X-03-23 18:29**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

I miss you. I hope you’re eating more than instant noodles and take-out. Take care of yourself.

 

**201X-03-24 23:04**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

I love you.

 

**201X-03-26 19:48**

**From: RinRin**

You need to fucking talk to Haru. Either fix it or break up with him. He doesn’t deserve to be strung around like this.

 

**201X-03-27 20:16**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

Are you okay, Makoto? Is there anything I can do to help?

 

**201X-03-28 19:33**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

I’m sorry if I did something to upset you. I don’t know what it was, but I’m sorry. Can we talk about it?

 

**201X-03-28 20:17**

**From: Nagisa**   


Makoto-chan, I’m seriously mad at you. Haru-chan said he hasn’t hear from you all WEEK! I’ve tried to stay out of your business because Haru-chan asked me to, but you’ve just been SO MEAN! You need to apologize and talk to him because Haru-chan doesn’t think you love him anymore and I can’t say I blame him with the way you’ve been acting. 

 

**201X-03-29 01:43**

**From: <3 Haru <3**

Makoto please say something.

 

**201X-03-30 09:47**

**From: <3 Haru <3**   


I’ll be home this afternoon. Please come home after class.

 

~

 

Standing outside of his own apartment door, Haru couldn’t help but feel like he needed to knock. He knows that isn’t right - he pays two thirds of the rent after all- but he hasn’t been back for a while and his roommate boyfriend hasn’t bothered to confirm he’s even alive.

 

Taking a deep breath, he turned his key and stepped inside.

 

It looked like a disaster. Haru knew that Makoto had only managed to keep his room at home tidy through the tireless efforts of Mama Tachibana, so he shouldn’t be as surprised as he was. It’s true that Haru did almost all of the chores, but he figured Makoto would had to have done some laundry or something. Apparently not.

 

Sighing, but secretly thankful for the work to keep his mind busy while he waits, Haru slips off his shoes, drops his bag, and gets to work.

 

~

 

When Makoto arrives home, he lets out a frustrated sigh as he walks in without needing his key, “Haru? You forgot to lock the front again.”

 

Haru padded out of the bedroom to stand where he could see Makoto in the front hallway, “Ah, I’m sorry.”

 

Makoto was briefly taken aback, Haru never apologized for that before, usually brushing it off with something like  _ We don’t have anything worth stealing.  _ “Well, just don’t forget next time.”

 

He patted Haru on the head and gave him a peck on the cheek as he made his way to their second bedroom which they used as a study area.

 

If Makoto had taken a better look at his boyfriend, he would have noticed Haru’s hands and feet fidgeting as well as seen the hurt and anxiety in his eyes.

 

It had been two weeks since Haru had come back to the apartment. Why wasn’t Makoto saying anything? What about all those texts? He’s pretty sure Rin made some death threats, was he angry that their friends were involved in their relationship issues? He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he wanted some kind of answer or at least some closure.

 

Haru thought he was going to throw up but instead he blurted out, “Did you watch the videos?”

  
“What videos?” Makoto turned around and raised an eyebrow in question.

  
“The recordings of my songs from class. I left copies of them on your desk after every show. You never came to any of them, but I brought home videos so you could see.”

  
Panic coursed through Makoto’s body. He never thought about the discs Haru periodically left on his boyfriend’s desk. Haru never insisted he came to performances so he assumed that the invite was out of habit, not because he actually wanted him there.

 

He would have been embarrassed if Makoto saw, right? He only left them there because Makoto would put them away properly, right? He never said they were  _ important _ .

 

The silence was taken as confirmation. “...you never watched them.” The bright blue of Haru’s eyes was quickly becoming a watery grey. “They...they weren’t that long. I always went first so you didn’t have to watch the other students.” Haru’s shoulders started to shake. “Why didn’t you watch them?”

  
Makoto felt attacked. This wasn’t his fault, Haru should have been more clear. “I didn’t know you wanted me to. You never asked-”

  
“Why do I have to ask for you to care about my life?!” Haru’s last barrier was broken, hot tears coursing over his cheeks and down his neck. He was yelling. He never yelled. “You’re my  _ boyfriend _ , Makoto, my  _ lover _ . You’re supposed to think about me. You’re supposed to want to know what I’m doing, who I’m with, where I’m at and how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking! You’re supposed to  _ care!  _ You-”

 

“Shut  _ up _ , Haruka!”

 

All of the fight left Haru in an instant. No one had ever told him to shut up before, mostly because he never talked enough to warrant it. He never imagined that Makoto of all people, his Makoto who always wanted to hear more from Haru, would be the first to say it to him.

 

Makoto lowered his voice, but didn’t hide any of the irritation or annoyance in it, “You’re not the only one who’s had a bad day, okay. If you’re just going to throw a tantrum then go back to Rin’s. I don’t have the patience or desire to deal with you like this right now.”

 

Haru turned away, praying his bangs would hide the deep feeling of betrayal that he knew reflected in his eyes. “...I’ll make dinner,” he managed to whisper.

 

With an eye roll, Makoto went into the second room they used as a study and shut the door.

 

~

 

It had been two hours and Makoto had barely gotten any work done. He knew as soon as he sat down that he had gone overboard, but Haru’s stubbornness had rubbed off on him and decided to let his boyfriend stew for a while. But as he read the same paragraph for the sixteenth time, he knew he had to give up and go apologize. He pushed himself away from his incomplete assignment.

 

Green curry was left on the stove on low for him. Seeing his favorite dish sent new pangs of guilt to his heart. He padded over to the bathroom figuring that Haru would retreat to the water to calm down, but he was met with an empty shower and dry tub.  _ Had he gone to bed already? I guess it’s pretty late. _

 

Worrying his lip between his teeth he opened the door to find an empty bed. He walked back out to the living room, looking around and finally realizing how many of Haru’s things were missing. Summer was fast approaching Tokyo, but Makoto could only feel cold.

 

Suddenly Makoto realized that this outburst couldn’t just about Haru’s songs anymore. 

 

~

 

Dull green eyes only met burning crimson ones for only a second as Rin opened the door and immediately slammed it shut. 

  
“RIN! You can’t just shut the door on me!”

 

The door was yanked back open, “You’re right,” was all Makoto heard before a fist impacted his face. “That feels much better than slamming the door.”

 

Makoto was knocked back and he almost lost his footing, “What the fuck, Rin!?”

 

A magenta eyebrow arched, “Do you seriously think you didn’t deserve that?”

  
“No one  _ deserves _ to be sucker punched.”

 

“I sincerely beg to differ.”

 

Tensioned filled the air as Makoto recovered, wiping a bit of blood from his nose. The speech he prepared on his way over was completely forgotten and he scrambled for something to say.

  
“How could you do this, Makoto?” The accusation set Makoto on a defensive edge.

 

“M-me? Besides sleeping through a concert and snapping at my boyfriend, what did I do that was so wrong? Relationships are two sided, I’m not the only one at fault here.”

 

Rin clicked his tongue, “Haru spent the entire year trying to reduce the distance  _ you _ created. He asked you for one goddamn thing in return and you couldn’t tear yourself away for 30 fucking minutes to do it. You haven’t even replied to any of his texts! I don’t care if you ignore mine, but you could at least answered Haru’s.”

 

A guilty blush washed over Makoto’s cheeks, “My phone’s broken.”

  
“FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS? What about emergencies? Fuck, Makoto, this IS an emergency! If you couldn’t make it to the concert, you should’ve been here Friday night making it up to him.”

 

Makoto sighed, “You know how Haru is, Rin. He’s not the most obvious person. How was I supposed to know this was  _ that _ important? It’s been hard for me too and I needed support. I can’t let myself depend on him-.”

 

“Tachibana Makoto, you know damn well that’s bullshit.”

 

“Rin-”

  
“No, Makoto. Ever since your big fight in high school Haru has left himself open and vulnerable about his feelings for you. He never wanted to go through anything like that again. Sure, maybe he can’t just say what he’s thinking like you or Sousuke can, but Mr. I-Don’t-Do-Anything-Unless-I-Want-To is a man of action.”

 

The confused and unsure look on Makoto’s face infuriated Rin, “What do you call all of the homemade meals? How often has he made your favorites rather than mackerel? What about the post-it notes he leaves for you to find all over the house or tucked in your books? How many times has he put you to bed after you’ve fallen asleep studying? Doesn’t he run across campus to bring you the notebooks you forgot? What about the sketches of the neighborhood cats he does for you to make up for the fact your apartment won’t allow pets? Did you realize he carries his phone with him all the time now and responds to texts within an hour? What about all the smiles he gives you even though he’s scared out of his mind that you don’t love him anymore? He listens patiently and comforts you as you unload all of your anxieties and fear onto him and doesn’t breathe a word about his own because he doesn’t want to  _ burden  _ you.”

 

Rin couldn’t control his volume and he desperately tried to make Makoto understand what he refused to see. “Don’t you feel it in the way he fixes your collar or styles your hair? Don’t you hear it when he tells you ‘welcome home?’ Don’t you notice the way his eyes sparkle and soften just at the mention of your name?  _ Everything _ Haru does is out of love for you!”

  
“...not everything.” It was a weak response and Makoto knew it.

  
“Yes, everything! Why do you think he swims, Makoto? Who do you think he found his dream for? Yes, Haru is not the best at using words to communicate, but he’s getting better. All of his songs are for  _ you _ for fuck’s sake. Saying he isn’t clear, saying he doesn’t support you is a fucking dirty lie.”

 

They stood there silent for a while until Makoto whispered, “I need to see him.”

 

“He isn’t here.”

 

For the third time that day Makoto found himself face to face with the same closed door.

 

~

 

Nagisa had only told Makoto that there was another performance tonight after he had promised that he was going there to apologize. Explaining that he was serious about it and would do everything in his power to drag his boyfriend home, the blond gave him the location of the music studio Haru and Satsuki used.

 

He had just turned the corner to the right hallway when he saw the object of his attention slip out through a door and shut it softly behind him.

 

Haru was on his way to dunk his head under the faucet for 10 minutes - his usual pre-performance ritual. Water calmed him down and gave him clarity and strength, which he definitely needed right now. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of a familiar voice.

  
“Haru-chan…”

 

Snapping his head up, Haru immediately locked their eyes. It was easy for people to tell that Makoto could read his boyfriend’s thoughts and feelings without words, but what they didn’t generally notice was that Haru was just as good at finding the unspoken things in Makoto.

 

“Haru-chan, I’m sorry…”

 

What Haru saw in his favorite pair of eyes was mostly confusion and apprehension. Some regret and a sliver of determination. But he didn’t see what he was really looking for: understanding.  _ He doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for _ .

 

“Have you watched them yet?”

 

“No, I-”

 

  
_ What the actual fuck. _ Haru was fairly certain he had made it clear that his performances were important to their relationship and were mandatory viewing. Trying his best not to cry, Haru turned away from him, “D-Don’t talk to me until you do.”

 

Before any excuses or explanations could come out of Makoto’s mouth, Satsuki stepped out of the studio.

 

“Haru-chan?”

 

Makoto immediately didn’t like the sound of the nickname coming out of the other man’s mouth. Sniffling and trying to blink away the last of his tears, Haru turned to his music partner.

 

Brown eyes briefly assessed Makoto before turning their full attention to Haru. Gently lifting the singer’s chin, Satsuki pulled out a handkerchief and gently dabbed the last of his tears. It didn’t seem to phase him at all to stumble upon an emotionally compromised Haru. Regret and jealousy burrowed in Makoto’s stomach as he wondered how many times Satsuki had tended to him like this. It was too  _ intimate. _ Before they started fighting Makoto couldn’t think of the last time Haru cried in front of him. A voice in the back of his mind nagged him.  _ Maybe he had cried, maybe you just didn’t notice. _

 

“Haru-chan-” Satsuki started and Makoto’s eye twitched, “-the show starts in half an hour, we need to get warmed up.” A second quick look at Makoto. “Are you ready to go?”

 

Shoulders minutely slumping in defeat, Haru nodded. Satsuki smiled kindly at him even though Haru’s gaze was fixed on the floor. Grabbing Haru’s wrist, he started to lead him toward the auditorium. Eye contact was made with Satsuki for the third time and Makoto could swear there was a look of challenge glinting before the duo walked out of sight.

 

Makoto waited for 5 minutes before he followed them down the auditorium and found a seat.

 

~

 

Haru and Satuski took their customary places standing on the stage. The musician prefered to be upright whenever he played electric guitar and Haru feared he’d double over in sobs if he sat. His composure was hanging on by a loose thread and he idly wondered if that would make this performance better or worse. There was a ripple of anticipation throughout the audience. The pair was extremely talented and their songs had become more and more emotionally charged. Not even their instructors knew what to expect as they gave each other nods to show they were ready.

 

Taking the mic, Haru cleared his throat for attention. Immediately everyone stopped moving, their undivided attention on the sad young man.

 

“Duets are my favorite kind of songs. Singing with someone else, singing for someone else, having voices meld together as one is very special. You can’t have a duet without love.”

 

Karaoke rooms popped into Makoto’s head, it was one of the few group activities Haru would agree to attend. Even before they became a couple, Haru had insisted that Makoto sing duets with him, but the taller boy was always too shy to sing the sappy songs. He realized Haru never sang after Makoto’s kind rejections. He never really heard Haru sing before.

 

The mic was replaced with a bass in Haru’s hands. He prefered to only sing, but the song needed more than just a guitar. It was a duet after all.

 

The melody started and Haru shut his eyes and imagined the most beautiful green color as he sang.

 

**I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh.**

**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away.**

**I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well.**

**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.**

 

Satsuki’s voice slipped in like fingers gently brushing across a lover’s arm.

 

**'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome**

**And I don't feel right when you're gone away.**

 

Once again Haru’s velvet voice was alone.

 

**You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore...**

 

Satsuki took the next verse, Makoto was a little surprised that his delicate tenor wasn’t overpowered by the increased intensity of the background music.

 

**The worst is over now and we can breathe again.**

**I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.**

**There's so much left to learn and no one left to fight.**

**I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.**

 

Both men had their eyes clamped shut as they belted out the chorus. Their brutal honesty was reaching a peak. Everything was forgotten except each other’s voices and the cries of their instruments. 

 

**'Cause I'm broken when I'm open**

**And I don't feel like I am strong enough**

**'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome**

**And I don't feel right when you're gone away**

**'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome**

**And I don't feel right when you're gone...**

 

Looking completely spent, Haru’s last lyric was accompanied by only the faintest trace of music. 

 

**You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore…**

 

The entire auditorium erupted in applause. Most people had tears running down their faces. Rushing toward the exit Makoto didn’t clap or cheer and didn’t see Satsuki pull the sobbing Haru into a tight embrace on stage. 

 

Orange tennis shoes slapped the pavement as Makoto sprinted home. He had to watch the other videos.

 

~

 

Dumping the contents of an old box that was originally a care package from his mom, Makoto found what he was looking for. Shaking fingers clumsily loaded the oldest dated disc into the their DVD player. He was frightened and nervous and felt like throwing up. But he had to do this, he had to know what Haru was trying to tell him even if it was too late.

 

The disc automatically started playing and a professor opened the night by explaining how each lyricist was paired up with a composer after a series of interviews and auditions. If they continued on in these courses, they had the option of growing that partnership or finding a more suitable match. Ready to introduce the first pair, he mentioned that since this is the beginning of their music career, this assignment was about Firsts.

 

After polite applause, a much more bashful and stiff Satsuki and Haru walked onto stage. Haru stayed standing, Makoto knew it was because he has a nervous habit of shaking his knee if he sits while anxious. In a voice that was much more timid than usual, Haru gives a brief description of their song.

 

“I wrote this song while I was flying home from Australia. It’s about my first friend.”

 

_ Wait, what?  _ Makoto assumed that Haru’s songs revolved around his life, but he wasn’t necessarily expecting his debut to be a song he wrote in high school after their very first fight.

 

He watched Haru give a curt nod to Satsuki and the room was filled with a slow and sweet melody. Haru gripped the mic for dear life as he started singing.

 

**If you’ll be my star, I’ll be your sky.**

**You can hide underneath me and come out at night.**

**When I turn jet black and you show off your light,**

**I live to let you shine,**

**I live to let you shine.**

 

**And you can sky rocket away from me,**

**And never come back if you find another galaxy.**

**Far from here, where there’s more room to fly.**

**Just leave me your stardust to remember you by.**

 

**If you'll be my boat, I'll be your sea.**

**A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity.**

**Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze.**

**I live to make you free.**

**I live to make you free.**

 

**But you can set sail to the west if you want to.**

**And past the horizon `till I can't even see you.**

**Far from here, where the beaches are wide.**

**Just leave me your wake to remember you by.**

 

**If you’ll be my star, I’ll be your sky**

**You can hide underneath me and come out at night.**

**When I turn jet black and you show off your light.**

**I live to let you shine.**

**I live to let you shine.**

 

**But you can sky rocket away from me,**

**and never come back if you,**

**find another galaxy.**

**Far from here, with more room to fly.**

**Just leave me your stardust to remember you by.**

 

**Stardust to remember you by.**

 

The Haru on stage opened his eyes and was overcome by a violent blush as he came back to reality. He gave a low bow and awkwardly walked off stage without waiting for his partner.

 

Makoto immediately grabbed the remote and rewinded to start the song again. He couldn’t believe it. That sweet lullaby was a song Haru wrote for  _ him.  _ It was an apology for his behavior when Makoto told him he was going to Tokyo, but it was also so much more than that. It was an assurance that no matter where Makoto went, Haru would always be his.

 

He listened to it three more times before putting in the next one.

 

~

 

The second disc opens in the same way, the jovial professor welcoming the audience to the final project performance. Honesty is the theme for the second semester and he talks about the various subjects the students have covered this time: coming out, family problems, substance abuse, and relationships were the favored topics.

 

Makoto looks at the date on the cover of the DVD holder and notices it’s from the day before Haru kissed him for the first time.  _ Maybe it’s his confession _ , Makoto muses.

 

First again, Haru and Satsuki look much more relaxed. Makoto even catches the non verbal communication that goes on between the two to signal the start of their performance. Satsuki starts a recording of a drum track and picks up his electric guitar. Makoto wonders if Haru closes his eyes every time he sings.

 

**My hands, your hands; tied up like two ships**

**Drifting, weightless; waves try to break it**

**I'd do anything to save it**

**Why is it so hard to say it?**

 

**My heart, your heart; sit tight like book ends**

**Pages between us written with no end**

**So many words we're not saying,**

**Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone.**

**“You make me strong.”**

 

**I'm sorry if I say, "I need you"**

**But I don't care, I'm not scared of love**

**'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker**

**Is that so wrong?**

**Is it so wrong that you make me strong?**

 

**Think of how much love that's been wasted**

**People always trying to escape it.**

**Move on to stop their heart breaking**

**But there's nothing I'm running from.**

**You make me strong.**

 

**I'm sorry if I say, "I need you"**

**But I don't care, I'm not scared of love**

**'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker**

**Is that so wrong?**

**Is it so wrong?**

 

**So, baby, hold on to my heart, oh, oh**

**Need you to keep me from falling apart**

**I'll always hold on 'cause you make me strong**

 

**I'm sorry if I say, "I need you"**

**But I don't care I'm not scared of love**

**'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker**

**Is that so wrong?**

**Is it so wrong?**

 

**I'm sorry if I say, "I need you"**

**But I don't care, I'm not scared of love**

**'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker**

**Is that so wrong?**

**Is it so wrong that you make me strong?**

 

Haru is blushing again, but looking pleased and determined. He bows and this time he waits for Satsuki before getting out of the next students’ way.

 

Makoto feels like he has a fever. He didn’t entertain the thought seriously, but that song was most definitely Haru’s first love confession to him. Sure, the next day Haru showed up as a blushing mess and told him his feelings. Makoto thought it was wonderful, but that song? It was honest and beautiful and  _ so them  _ and Makoto he-

 

_ I missed it. _

 

The heat in his body was replaced with a hollow cold. He had no idea Haru felt like this about him and it wasn’t because Haru hadn’t told him. He just didn’t listen.

 

~

 

With apprehension, Makoto moved on to the next concert. This one bore the date of midway through their second year.

 

The first summer they had spent together as a couple was magical. Even if the dorms didn’t close over the summer, they would have still gone back to Iwatobi. It was exciting to go back to their home that had so many shared memories since Haru and Makoto were rarely ever separated.

 

Tokyo was even more different from Iwatobi than the boys had imagined. They adjusted and enjoyed it as it was, much like how their relationship merged from friends to lovers. But now they could enjoy the comforts of home together in a new way. Sure, they’d be doing the same old things they did before they left - going to the pool, sharing popsicles, trips to the beach, playing with Ren and Ran - but now they were a  _ couple _ and it washed over everything they did with something new, something more. They held hands on every familiar path. They snuck kisses while the twins argued about what video game or movie they’d play next. They stole away to Haru’s empty house for much needed true _ privacy _ when it wasn’t just the sun heating up their bodies.

 

Any regrets the two of them had about holding their feelings in for so long disappeared. That summer they knew that things worked out exactly as they were meant to be.

 

The smattering of applause brought Makoto out of his reminiscing and he focused on the tv screen. Satsuki had a different electric guitar from last time, but more interesting was the ukulele that was cradled in Haru’s arms. He had a nervous smile on his face and Makoto couldn’t help but gush over how cute he looked.

 

Haru flipped on the mic to introduce their work, “I, um,” a blush swept over him from the tips of his years and down his neck, “I had the best summer.” Closing his eyes and looking content, he played.

 

**Oh, it is love**

**From the first time I set my eyes upon yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

 

**Oh, dear, it's been hardly a moment**

**And you are already missed**

**There is still a bit of your skin**

**That I've yet to have kissed**

**Oh, say, please do not go**

**Don't you know, oh, you know that I must**

**Oh say, I love you so**

**Don't you know you, oh, know you can trust**

**We'll be holding hands once again**

**All our broken plans, I will mend**

**I will hold you tight so you know:**

 

**It is love from the first**

**Time I pressed my hand into yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

 

**Oh, dear, it's been hardly three days**

**And I'm longing to feel your embrace**

**There are several days**

**Until I could see your sweet face**

**Oh, say, wouldn't you like to be**

**Older and married with me?**

**Oh, say, wouldn't it be nice to**

**Know right now that we'll be**

**Someday holding hands in the end**

**All our broken plans will have been**

**And I will kiss you soft so you know:**

 

**It is love from the first**

**Time I pressed my lips against yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

 

**Oh, your heart may long**

**For love that is more new**

**So when I'm gone**

**These words will be here**

**To ease every fear and dry up every tear**

**And make it very clear, I kiss you and I know:**

 

**It is love from the first**

**Time I pressed my lips against yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

**Oh, it is love from the first**

**Time I pressed my lips against yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

**Oh, I kiss you and I know**

**It is love from the first**

**Time I pressed my lips against yours**

**Thinking, 'Oh, is it love?'**

 

As he opened his eyes, he couldn’t fight against the grin that broke out on his face. Haru almost dropped the ukulele as Satsuki clapped him hard on the shoulder. He sent his guitarist a glare, but it was undermined by his obvious happiness.

 

Back in their lonely apartment, Makoto wept. 

 

~

 

When he had run out of videos, Makoto quickly went out and bought a new phone. He made his way over to the student technology help center and had someone pull his old messages off his broken phone. Even though there was nothing he could do about it now, he still wanted to see them.

 

The student helper gave Makoto increasingly dirty looks as she transferred the messages. When he left, he got the distinct impression that she was branding him with a look of “worst boyfriend ever.” As he read through the messages, he had to agree. Why in the world did he think it’d be okay to wait so long to get a new phone?

 

He immediately texted Rin, saying that he watched the videos and wanted to see if Haru had come back to their place yet. Rin responded in the negative and send over a large file which was a video from Sousuke’s phone.

 

He watched it as he made his way toward the university pool. It was Haru’s third home after Rin and Sousuke’s and Makoto figured it was as good as place as any to try to find his boyfriend. He let out a sigh, hoping he could still call him that after this was all over. An icy fist clenched his heart at the thought of Haru being classified as merely a “childhood friend” or worse his “ex.” He finally understood how badly he screwed up.

 

He walked through the entrance and locker rooms. As he approached he heard the steady splashing of Haruka’s front crawl. Makoto sighed in relief. At least he was here.

 

Before he stepped out to make his presence known, Satsuki’s voice echoed off the walls, “Haru-chan! It’s been four hours! You’re not going to be able to make it through swim practice tomorrow if you don’t stop.”

 

Haru slowed near the edge and stood, pulling off his cap and goggles, shaking his hair in the way that still made Makoto feel a little flushed.

 

Satsuki knelt over and held out a hand, “Come on, let’s go home and have dinner.”

 

_ Wait, what? Haru’s staying with him? _

 

Haru looked up at him and slowly reached his hand out.

 

Makoto felt paralyzed. No one else had ever pulled Haru out of the pool. Now this guy, who was calling him Haru-chan and was having Haru stay at his place, offered his hand to do what only he’d ever done?  _ No no no no no no. _

 

As their hands were about to meet, Haru pulled away, looking shocked. Satsuki just tilted his head in confusion as Haru pulled himself out of the water without assistance.

 

_ Thank god. _

 

“...Can we have mackerel?” Haru’s voice sounded shy, like he was afraid to ask for something, even if it was so small.

 

Satsuki beamed at him, “Of course, Haru-chan!”

 

Makoto left as fast as he could, not wanting to be discovered. Everything Rin had yelled at him was right. How was he ever going to fix this? 

 

~

 

The composition class had a senior exhibition the following Friday. Each student participating was in charge of their own music and lyrics without the help of their usual partners. It was a tough assignment for the few kids who still hadn’t picked up an instrument, but the assignment topic of “Broadway” gave the writers the opportunity to focus more on lyrics and even use dance as a distraction. Thankfully Haru had started to learn the piano when he decided to continue in the song composition track. Out of all of the instruments he’d learned, piano was probably his favorite to sing with. It felt like it was natural for the song to course through his fingertips on the keys.

 

Without scanning the audience, Haru took his place at the ebony grand piano to the right of the stage. He waited for the usual cheers to die down before he set his fingers on the keys and leaned into the mic to introduce his song.   
“I never wanted to write this,” he whispered.

 

For the first time Haru kept his eyes open while singing.

 

**There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;**

**There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;**

**And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.**

**There's a fine, fine line between love**

**And a waste of time.**

 

**There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;**

**And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."**

**I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,**

**But there's a fine, fine line between love**

**And a waste of your time.**

 

**And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.**

**I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.**

**For my own sanity, I've got to close the door**

**And walk away...**

**Oh…**

 

**There's a fine, fine line between together and not**

**And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.**

**You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...**

**There's a fine, fine line between love**

**And a waste of time.**

 

He shakily got up from the bench and gave a low bow, trying to keep his breathing steady. He made it just far enough backstage to be out of the way of the other performers before his legs gave out and he dropped to his knees.

 

Out of all the shows Haru had invited him to, Makoto had come to this one. He didn’t see him, but he felt him. He knew he was there.

 

Haru didn’t hear Rin and Sousuke call out to him as they rushed backstage. He didn’t feel Satsuki pull him to his feet and move him to the safety of the worn leather couch in their music studio.

 

Body? Numb.

Brain? Jumbled.

Heart? Empty.

 

Haru didn’t feel like he was anything anymore.

 

Makoto finally listened to him and he had said goodbye.

 

~

 

The rest of their last year in University passed by quickly. Makoto hadn’t built up the courage to try to patch things up with Haru. After hearing his exhibition piece, he felt sure that Haru wanted nothing to do with him anymore. He threw himself into his assignments and work, managing to graduate with excellent scores and recommendations. At least one part of his life was intact.

 

Rin, as pissed off as he was about the whole ordeal, still checked up on Makoto and even met him for coffee sometimes. That’s how he learned that both he and Haru were officially recruited to Team Japan.

 

It was classmates who had told him about Future Fish. Apparently in addition to swimming, Haru had signed a music contract with a small but popular studio. His band, Future Fish, had released an album the previous Tuesday. It must have been a deal that was in the works for the past few months to have such a quick turn around. Makoto was so happy for Haru, but he couldn’t shake his bitterness when the girls mentioned that Haru’s dreamy guitarist was still part of the group.

 

He had one week of break before his family arrived for the graduation ceremony. He hadn’t told them about his break up with Haru yet. He wasn’t sure what he could tell them, he spent as little time as possible thinking about it.

 

Blessed knocking at the door gave Makoto an excuse to avoid this problem again. He opened it to see Rin who was holding a bag of snacks and beverages.

 

Rin gave him a quick once over, “You’re kind of a mess, Makoto.”

 

“Nice to see you too, Rin.” He rolled his eyes and stepped aside to let his friend in.

 

“Sousuke broke the TV so I figured I could come over here to watch Haru’s interview,” without hesitation he made himself comfortable on the couch and picked up the remote.

 

Makoto’s pulse quickened, “Interview?”

 

“Yeah, he and Satsuki are on some variety show to promote their surprise live tonight,” the shark boy gave Makoto a thoughtful look, “You’re coming with me, right?”

 

The way Rin said it made it more of a command than a question.

 

“Y-yeah, I didn’t make other plans,” he joined Rin on the couch.

 

Rin gave a nod in confirmation as he found the right channel. They had perfect timing, Haru and Satsuki had just sat down with the host.

 

“Haruka-kun, could you give us a little background on why you went with the name ‘Future Fish?’”

 

Haru shrugged, “When I thought about it, I realized my life has always revolved around fish. Iwatobi is a fishing village. I only ever want to eat fish. I want to swim like a fish - free and content to spend all day in the water. Things change, but I want to spend the rest of my life with the familiar comfort of fish.”

 

The host didn’t look too certain on what to do with that information, so she moved on. “Satsuki-kun, I heard you received many offers to come play with them. Why did you chose to stay with Future Fish?”

  
To his credit, Satsuki was very charming - what you’d think a front man for a band is supposed to be, “Since we started college, Haru and I built up this beautiful history of music together. Although the lyrics are personal to Haru, the process of turning them to song allowed me to not only strengthen my talents, but find out who I was and what I wanted as an adult. We grew so much during the last four years, I want to see how far we can take it now. There will always be other opportunities, but right now being with Haru, with Future Fish, feels right.”

  
Makoto hated the adoring look Satsuki was giving Haru.

 

The host was definitely more pleased by this answer, “Can you tell us about your first album, ‘Without You?’ I was very impressed with the range of songs and styles featured.”

 

Satsuki hopped in again, “All of the songs on the album were written for our classes at university. The diversity in styling is because we had to comply with the professor’s requests. It may be a little shocking during the first listen, but when you go back again, each song’s style really fits the mood of what the song is saying.”

 

Haru added, “The finished product is the story of a relationship, my first love, as it began and paused. It seems right that as our feelings changed, the music would change as well”

 

Curious about his choice of words, the host pressed on, “What do you mean ‘paused,’ Haruka-kun?”

 

“I’ve had many relationships in my life that I thought ended, only to be surprised later when our lives became intertwined again. I don’t like to think that things can permanently over. People and hearts can change, so a goodbye for now doesn’t mean a goodbye forever.”

 

She smiled coyly at Haru, “So you’re hoping that you’re just on pause with your first love?”

 

Haru smiled, looking a little wistful, “Yes. Not only were they my first love, but I’m fairly certain they will be my last...”

 

Rin had to elbow him hard in the side for Makoto to remember to breathe.

 

Jumping in to ease the serious atmosphere, Satsuki declared, “But don’t worry! Haru may still be thinking about his first love, but I’m still looking for mine!” He winked at the camera, “So I hope to see a ton of cuties at our live tonight!”

 

“Right! Do you have any surprises in store for the audience?”

  
“If we told, it wouldn’t be a surprise! But I will say that there’s a bonus track for the story that isn’t on the album. We’re planning on debuting it tonight!”

  
“Can you give us any hints as to the content?”

  
Haru tilted his head to the side and bit his lip in thought. It was a mannerism he had picked up from Makoto and seeing it made the taller man’s heart swell, “The story being told on ‘Without You’ ends on a sad note. I didn’t want to leave it there. The bonus track is a light in the dark.”

 

After saying goodbye to their guests, the show broke to commercial. Makoto’s mind was racing. Was Satsuki really single? Did Haru mean it when he said he’d be his last love? Wait, what did that even mean?

 

When his eyes met Rin’s, the redhead had a knowing look on his face.

 

For once, Makoto swallowed his fears, “Should we head to the live now?”

 

~

 

In addition to Satsuki, a drummer, bassist, and keyboard player joined Haru on the brightly lit temporary stage. They had just finished a number, one Makoto didn’t recognize so it must be a new one for the album. He had bought a copy, but couldn’t bring himself to listen to them again, not when he already felt so fragile.

 

Haru gave a bow, explaining that this will be the last song for the night: the bonus mentioned on TV. The crowd burst into cheers, obviously thrilled they’d get to hear Future Fish’s special song first.

 

Haru smiled gently, eliciting several squeals and  _ I love you’s!  _ from the audience, “Dumbledore said ‘Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on a light.’”

  
Makoto grinned, remembering how embarrassed Haru was when he found his hidden and well loved copies of the series.

 

“This song is called ‘Light On.’”

 

The band started, music and backup vocals streamed out of the speakers. It sounded much more upbeat and poppy than their other music, but Makoto and the audience didn’t seem to mind.

 

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**Leave a light on**

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

 

Haru finally jumped in, his eyes wide open and tinged with regret.

 

**It happened in the blink, blink, blink of the night,**

**I guess it was the wrong, wrong side of goodbye.**

**You caught me on the blind, blind, blind side,**

**You didn't even stop once to think twice!**

 

**Ran through the pouring rain,**

**Weaved in and out of pain,**

**Wanted you to turn around, turn around,**

**Still wish you’d done it now!**

 

**I still remember how we left it that night:**

**Thought it was better if we both just moved along.**

**But if you're telling me it's not the last time,**

**I'll keep a light, I'll leave a light, light on!**

 

Makoto couldn’t tear his eyes away from the singer. Even while swimming and all the videos of previous concerts he watched, Haru was reserved in his movements. But now he was swaying to the music and gesturing with his arms, hoping that he could get out everything he wanted to convey. Makoto always believed Haru was best in the water, but watching this he wasn’t so sure.  

 

**We didn't lose the beat, beat, beat in our hearts,**

**After falling in so deep, so hard.**

**So if you're running round, round, round in the dark,**

**I'll find a way to reignite the spark!**

 

**Ran through the pouring rain,**

**Weaved in and out of pain!**

**Wanted to turn around, turn around,**

**Wish I'd have done it now!**

 

**I still remember how we left it that night:**

**Thought it was better if we both just moved along.**

**But if you're telling me it's not the last time,**

**I'll keep a light, I'll leave a light, light on!**

 

**So if you ever feel the need,**

**Get out the door and just come back to me,**

**Wherever you are, I will always leave the light on!**

 

The band members chanted the backup  **(Leave a light, leave a light on)** as Haru took a second to catch his breath before going into the last chorus. He did a quick sweep of the audience as his cue approached.

 

Haru’s eyes locked with familiar emerald ones and welled with tears. He was going to hold nothing back. Makoto’s heart leapt into his throat.

 

**I need you, baby!!**

 

**I still remember how we left it that night:**

**Thought it was better if we both just moved along.**

**But if you're telling me it's not the last time,**

**I'll keep a light, I'll leave a light, light on!**

 

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**Leave a light, leave a light on**

**I leave a light on...**

 

Haru had joined the band members for the last of it while the music gently drifted to finish. In the lull where the group had to take off their instruments before their final messages, Makoto saw Haru pulling their manager aside and gesture in his direction. He panicked slightly, wondering if Haru didn’t want him here and that song wasn’t meant for him afterall. Before he could even consider leaving, a man even taller and more built than Makoto placed a hand on his shoulder and lead him through some gates and around the periphery. He noticed the makeshift set up that was used for the band’s green room and dressing areas. Makoto was led to one, a little more private and larger than the others and was instructed to wait.

 

Makoto couldn’t tell if ten minutes or ten hours had passed. He was sweating profusely and freaking out, picturing all of the things Haru could say to him and vice versa. Some situations ended with a hug and a kiss, but most of them ended up with Haru in tears and Makoto feeling like the worst person in the world. When he thought about it, the latter was already true, so what did he have to lose?

 

Haru stepped inside his dressing area quietly, a towel hanging across his neck and two water bottles in his hand. He looked at Makoto, who was so far gone in his own thoughts he hadn’t even noticed his presence. Feeling tired, which in Haru’s case also meant sassy, he sneaked over to Makoto and pressed one of the icy bottles against his neck.

 

The taller man shrieked and fell off the chair onto the ground. Catching his breath, he looked up to see Haru who was trying but failing at keeping a highly amused smirk off his face. Even if he wasn’t smiling, Makoto could still see the laughter in the blue eyes.

 

“H-Haru…”

  
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist,” he shrugged as he set one of the bottles down and took a swig from the other.

 

Makoto tried again, “Haru, I…” blue eyes bore into his face, “I fucked up.”

 

Realizing Haru expected much more than that, he continued, “I do love you, Haru. I am still  _ in love _ with you. I just… I forgot what that meant for a while.

 

“You were so brave when you confessed to me and seeing how much better you conversed and opened up to others made me overlook the things you weren’t saying with words. I stopped noticing changes in your eyes or body that signaled how you were feeling. I forgot that you have a round about way of asking for things because you always worry that you’ll be a bother. I took for granted all of the things you did for me  _ every day _ to show you loved me more than anything else! I  _ betrayed _ you, Haru! I promised to love you and take care of you and treasure you and I  _ failed _ . I was so selfish and wrong and I… I-!”

 

Still on the ground, Makoto hung his head and he tried to control his sobs.

 

“...Did you watch the videos?” The tremble in Haru’s whisper revealed that he was crying as well.

 

“Yes! I never… those songs! They were so...” Just thinking about the beautiful love songs Haru wrote for him was enough to push coherent thoughts out of his mind. He continued to cry, fearing the worst. This was going to be the end of them. Oh no, he really did ruin everything.

 

The next thing Makoto registered was Haru’s chest against his back then an arm crossing over his collarbone, holding him securely. Another hand reached up and started stroking his hair before he felt a warm and soft kiss pressed to his temple. Makoto felt his soul being flooded with joy.

 

Haru’s sweet voice reached his ears, it was the song he missed that set off their painful break up. Rin had sent him the video Sousuke took on his phone when he told him he watched the recordings and needed to fix things. It might seem sad on the surface, but this song was all about Haru’s strength and devotion. Hearing it now, with Haru’s arms around him, filled him with relief. It felt right.

 

Haru hadn’t stopped smiling at Makoto while he held him. Both of their tears had subsided and a calm tenderness descended. He continued stroking his hair, god he missed the feeling of it, as he continued to sing in a whisper to the man he loves, “I know you’re hurting now, but we can work it out, if we just try…”

  
Makoto finally smiled as he found his voice and whispered back, “We can try.”   
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Track list:  
> “Try” - Backstreet Boys  
> “Broken” - Seether ft. Amy Lee  
> “Boats & Birds” - Gregory & the Hawk  
> “Stronger” - One Direction  
> “Oh, It’s Love” - HelloGoodbye  
> “It’s a Fine, Fine Line” - Avenue Q  
> “Light On” - Backstreet Boys
> 
> I hope this was okay! It's my head cannon that Makoto is the one who has more problems adjusting to life in college/Tokyo/as a boyfriend. Haru has had many more challenges in his life to adjust to and is so stubborn he'll try make it work no matter what.


End file.
